Anger Management

I hope that everyone had a very wonderful Thanksgiving! We had a very quiet---busy---Thanksgiving. For starts, my children went with their dad on Friday. This has bruised my ego, as this was my year for Thanksgiving, and our divorce agreement says the Thanksgiving custody is Wednesday through Sunday. The agreement he signed. But instead, he just told me he had bought a ticket and would pick the kids up on Friday. I cannot express to you how hard I have worked to keep my pissiness factor under control over this. I believe that throwing a tantrum makes you look like a jerk. And I understand where he was coming from, and I don't want to keep the kids from him. They look forward to Daddy's visits, and I want them to have whatever time with him they can. What irritates me is that if he couldn't get a ticket for the week before (when he originally said he was coming), then I have to give up my holiday time so he could have them. I have to be the one to sacrifice to cover his mistake. Again. Because heaven forbid he should have to suffer any consequences.

See? Pissiness factor is in full swing. Big time.

I think I'm just mad on principle. Sometimes I feel perfectly, well, not satisfied, but okay with how Thanksgiving went down, and even relieved to have a small break, and sometimes anger just washes all over me and I'm red from my painted toe-nails to the roots of my hair. I have to breath deeply and say "don't react! don't react! don't react!" to myself. Because going off on someone and ranting just proves what an asshole you really are. I have so much to be thankful for that it seems silly to get hung up about something that is really insignificant in the grand scheme of things.  In fact, it is silly. And I am not justified in getting angry just because he is out of line. That's the terrible thing about being human: I cannot whitewash my old sin nature. It's always ugly. It's always there. It's always a battle. And sometimes, I lose.

I have changed a lot this year. I would like to think that I'm more relaxed, less self-absorbed, and more gracious than I was at the beginning of the year, but unfortunately that isn't true. However, it happens one decision at a time and every moment is a chance to try again. I know this is a random, rambling post. I have found that if I write things down and send them into the void, I can finally quit thinking about them and really move on. Maybe this is a sign of my immaturity. Perhaps real maturity is being able to deal with things internally, and then let go without spewing like a volcano or being eaten up inside. Unfortunately, I'm not there yet.

Thought of the Day

I've been observing that most people (including myself!)  have one set of morals for how they treat someone they like, and a completely different set of morals for how they treat someone they don't like, or are mad at. What I find interesting is that several of these people I have observed have taught Sunday school at some point in their lives. Unfortunately (or fortunately?), there is only ever one right way to treat anyone, and one's behavior can never be justified by the actions of another. We are all responsible, not only for our actions, but for every thought that runs in our head. And one day, we will be held accountable.

Daily Thoughts, 1-6-09

So the recent holidays brought with them a flood of company. And while that is usually enjoyable, it has brought a single question to my mind. We’re not exactly flushed with money currently. That should be no surprise: we have two kids and are living in one of the most expensive regions in the US. So while we make a living that in other areas would be a really good one, it is just getting us by here. Our families know this, and when they come to visit, they very graciously stock our pantry, buy our gas, take us out to eat, etc. I don’t want there to be any gray area on this fact: they are more than generous to us, and we completely appreciate it.

But money is a sticky subject, and it always comes with strings, even if they say that it doesn’t. When someone is offering to pay for your meal at a restaurant, you would let them choose the restaurant, right? That’s just good manners. So what do you do when they are offering to fill your fridge, but they don’t have the same food values that you do? Let me explain.

I’ve been doing a lot of research about food. And even though it is more expensive, I believe that it is important to buy locally, and buy fresh. I also like to buy organic when I can, but the term “organic” is almost worthless since big agri-business has caught on to the trend. I consider this as an investment in my community.  It is important to spend your money where you live, on businesses owned by your friends and neighbors. After all, they are voting in your community, their kids are going to school there, their tax dollars are going there, etc. It is all part of living in society. Better food is also an investment in my self. And hopefully by spending a little more on food now and making better choices, I’ll save big bucks on my health care through the years. And most importantly, I see it as an investment in my kids’ health. By teaching them to think about what they put into their bodies and make smart choices. I think exposure is key. It is not that I want to completely ban all junk food, but I want to teach them to take it in moderation.

But not everyone feels this way. Some people, like my parents and in-laws, feel that one should just spend the least amount of money on food, no matter what. And I can understand that, especially in these lean times. It does seem silly to spend more money when you could be spending less. But just because I respect that view, doesn’t mean that I necessarily agree with it. So what do I do when they’re paying for the food?

My gut tells me to just let them buy what they will, but honestly, I long for the day when I don’t need them to fill my pantry at all.  My thoughts are, if I want to receive, then I should just shut my mouth and be grateful. And I am grateful. I am overwhelmed at the help that they have given us. On the other hand, should they have more respect the for the way I live my life and the choices that I make?  What do you think?

 

I cannot wait for the day when I can afford to buy enough food for my family and company, and then this won’t be an issue at all.