Never a Dull Moment

Someone Special (still have to think up an appropriate nickname for him) and I were having one of those conversations. You know...the queasy, mushy kind that only newly-in-love couples have:  So, when did you realize that I was "the one"?

Me: "Actually, I was convinced that it couldn't possibly work out. I knew one day you'd figure out how much smarter you are than me and that would be it."

Someone Special: "Really? So when did you finally decide that I was dumb enough that this was going to work out?"

And I had a sudden vision of what our life together is going to be like:

Pine Cone Bird Feeder Craft

Do you remember making bird feeders with pine cone and peanut butter when you were a child? I remember making them in kindergarten. I thought of this as an easy craft when we were desperate for something to do one afternoon while Pumpkin napped. The girls were wild and I had to get them out of the house so they wouldn't wake up their brother. It soon became one of the best afternoons we've spent together in a while. Being outdoors and exploring has a way of doing that to you: taking ordinary moments and making them extraordinary. The bird feeders were a big hit with Darling and Doodlebug, and ended up being free for us to make because I already had all the items on hand. Pine trees are so prolific here that they might as well be our state weed. Seriously, they are everywhere.

We started by exploring the vacant lot next door for pine cones. This ended up being 45 minutes of running, jumping, and general merry making. It was wonderful!

 

 

 

They gathered up tons of pine cones, and we made kind of a counting game out of it. See? You can squeeze some school in just about anywhere. We made quite a pile:

Then we had to separate the worthy pine cones from the unworthy:

Now for the messy part: the peanut butter! I found an unopened jar of Jiff peanut butter in the pantry that my mom bought an untold number of months (or possibly, years) ago. It has never been opened because I am a peanut butter snob and am particularly picky about peanut butters (and I'm comfortable okay with that label), so what better way to use it up than for crafting? I opened the jar, gave each girl a spoon, and let them go to town. It was a job which they took very seriously:

Next, we rolled the coated cones in bird seed.

It was pretty messy, but that's part of the fun!

Did I mention that it was messy?

And last of all, I used some crafting twine and my trusty hot glue gun to make hangers and, voila!

We hung them in a tree for the birds:

Happy Thursday!

Blessed Beyond Measure

As we begin to blend our lives together, the kids and I have been spending more time at Someone Special's house (I need to think up a good nickname for him....hhhmmm) in order for them to feel comfortable there. Last night we went over so I could give the kitchen a test run i.e. cook dinner. After we all sat down at the table, I realized I had forgotten the kids' sippy cups in the kitchen and jumped up to get them. When I came back, Someone Special was saying, "Now what do you tell Mommy?" to which a three little voices replied in turn, "Thank you for cooking dinner, Mommy."

I think my heart grew three sizes that day.

I remember when I was a child, my brothers and I all had to thank our mother for cooking dinner every single night. My dad was a strict enforcer of this policy. Sometimes, my thanks would be very genuine (if I liked the meal she had cooked), and sometimes it was a rote reply, uttered only to avoid the wrath of Dad. But it impressed a couple of things upon me. First, it taught me that when people do something for you, they deserve to be thanked no matter what. Second, it taught me that Mom cooking and caring for me was a blessing, and that I should not take that for granted.  More specifically, it was her job to care for me, yes, but it was my job to not only feel appreciation for her, but to verbalize it, and that I was out of line if I just expected her to do it for me. A good mother is a blessing beyond measure, and I was damn lucky to have such a fine one. I didn't come to that realization on my own: my father taught me to recognize it. And it started first with him saying himself, "That sure was a good meal, honey. Thank you" and followed with, "Kids, what do you tell your mother?" Even though I could not realize it at the time, watching my father love and appreciate my mother defined the parameters of not just my own marriage, but my friendships and work relationships, and my relationships with my children, too.

Someone Special and I have not had a conversation about how important I think it is for children to be made to say "thank you" to their mother when she cares for them. To hear those words come out of their mouths, without me having to first lay out the rules for him to follow, makes me feel important and special and thought about in a way that I haven't ever experienced  before. These are the little things that you can't fake. These are the little things that you either get, or are oblivious to. That make us in sync. That make him my best friend. That make him a real man, and that make me blessed beyond measure all over again.

Morning Snuggles

I had a little visitor come crawl into my bed this morning:

We cuddled up in my cozy flannel sheets- which make it extra hard to get out of bed in the morning- and shared lots of snuggles and kisses, read stories and sang songs. What a great way to start a new day and a new week.

Happy Monday!

Bye-bye 2011....

 

What a year. In 2011, I learned, in no particular order:

That it is possible to hold every thought captive

The marigolds fascinate my children as much as bubbles

That Pinterest is an even more dangerous time killer than Facebook

That the best way to exercise is an impromptu game of chase in the backyard.

That I can forgive the past and look forward, but I cannot magically disconnect all the emotion from painful memories: those spots are still sore. 

The meaning of the word "pejorative"

That there will never be a clean sippy cup, no matter how many I buy

That I am crunchy

That it is difficult to be part of a church family when attending church requires an hour drive

That I need my church family more than I ever allowed myself to believe

That homeschooling is as much a part of God's plan for me as it is for my children

That the sweetest-tasting watermelons aren't necessarily the ones you grew yourself, but there's always next year.

That I have become intrinsically connected to the town where we live

That the magic formula for keeping up with the laundry is 3 loads per day

That my mother is better at finding clothes that I like than I am

That my friends are better at finding a man to love me than I am

That the secret to sweet cucumbers is even watering

That throwing a tantrum as an adult makes you look like a jackass, even if you're right.

That I am absolutely not in control. Of anything. And you know what? It's better that way.

My family rang in the New Year very quietly...which is just my speed. The kids went to bed on time after much reading and cuddling, and I ended up greeting 2012 by watching the ball drop with someone special. We laughed and talked and made plans for the coming year, and when I fell asleep with my head on his chest and snored a little bit (I've got some sinus issues going on---really! No, no really!), he told me it was "adorable". That is true love. It was quite possibly the best New Year's I've ever had.

Now I'm looking forward to starting a new chapter in my family's life. There are going to be some big changes in the next few months. Changes that I never dared to hope would happen. Changes that I can't wait to share. And so, from my family to yours, I hope you had a wonderful end to 2011, and I wish you all the best for the New Year.

Spring Has Sprung!

Despite a thankfully mild cold snap, spring has definitely sprung around here. The daffodils have already come and gone, and the tulips are on their way out. I wish I had gotten more pictures. I managed to lose the memory card to the camera a while back. I finally went out and bought a new one so I could take pictures of the things that are making me smile today:

I love these decorative flags

My new shoes. Casual with just a touch of bling!

Red bud trees are everywhere!

Believe it or not, there are lots of tomatoes on my patio tomato plant!

A great wave of purple flowers

The last of the tulips in our front yard

The azaleas are warming up for their big show!

The last blossom on the tulip tree

The yarn from a big knitting project. But more on that later.

Ready to garden!

With our cute rubber boots, spring rains won't slow us down!

What has made you smile today?

Perfection Infection and the Mess I Made of Things

This morning, I read this excellent post about the "perfection infection" that plagues our society. "Perfection" is a world view that does not, has not, and will not make anyone happy. No exceptions. Where my view differs from the rest of the world, is that our willingness to buy into this view stems from our own arrogance, and not from anyone else. Even a low self-esteem is fueled by a preoccupation with ones' self, and stems from arrogance.

I know how the world looks at me: like I washed up after I had so much promise. Everything comes easy to me, yet I've failed at everything I've ever tried. I'm twenty-six, divorced with three kids four and under. I never finished college. I live with my parents. I was going back to school, but I stopped that, too.  How pathetic. But you know what? It doesn't matter. If it were someone else, I'd be saying the same thing. But for the first time in my life, I've got it together and got my priorities in line.

The truth is, I married a man I never really loved because I thought he was safe. I was devastated by things that went on in my parents' marriage, and I thought, "He'll never do that to me. We'll have a good life together." I was dazzled by his potential. I was blinded by the desire to be married and plan a wedding and play homemaker. I made him up to be something he was not, and refused to acknowledge the doubts I had because he was going to "get me out of Arkansas." He had these big dreams, and I thought, "that's the kind of life I want." That's all I focused on instead of, you know, the way he treated me. I saw how smart and talented he was, but I ignored how he wasted it. I glossed over the fact that we didn't match up in our spiritual views. I discounted the fact that we grew up with two different views of marriage. I built him up into Prince Charming, and then was stupid enough to be shocked when the armor came off. Yes, I was that stupid girl. And then I wasn't strong enough to make it work. I wasn't strong enough to stick it out and just live with my mistakes. I loved his family, really more than I loved him, and I wanted to be a part of it because I so desperately craved that stability after it was broken in my own family. I have a deep confession to make: I knew by month two of our marriage that I had made a horrible mistake. But I was also so ashamed to be that girl who ran away after six weeks of marriage that I just kept pretending to love him. And then I was pregnant and I felt I had to stick it out for the baby. I thought, "I'm stuck now, so I might as well make the best of it and put my whole self into this marriage." So that's what I did. I failed him by not being honest with him from the start. I thought only about what a fool I would look if I broke up with him. I never thought about him, and how he thought he was marrying someone who was crazy about him. I never thought about how I was derailing his life, too. He deserved better than that. And then I was ready to step up and make it work, but he wasn't. And that's when he failed me. I was standing there, going, "Let's do this. We've got kids, we can make it work. We can still have a good life together." But he was off playing video games instead. And it got to the point where I just couldn't keep pretending anymore. I was crazy about my kids and being a mom. I thought, "This is what I'm on this earth to do. Everything else was just killing time until I got here." I begged him to jump in and experience it, too. I begged him to go the park with us. I got answers like, "I've already played with her today." "I just don't feel like going anywhere today" "Alright, but I don't want to be there more than 20 minutes." "Maybe next weekend." And what was he doing instead of being with his family? Playing video games. Watching movies. Surfing the internet. Oh, he was working, too, but he was off every weekend, and he didn't spend it with us, although we were home together. The point of this? We were both idiots. We both wrecked our marriage. My family needs to realize that I made horrible mistakes and it wasn't all his fault, and his family needs to know that he failed miserably as a husband. If I wanted to be treated better, then I should have married someone else. If he didn't want to treat me better, then he should have married someone who didn't expect to be treated better. We were both stupid. And now our kids have got to pay for it. That's the real tragedy. And that's why I'm living with my parents and pushing off school until they're older. Because they deserve to have a magical childhood, no matter how stupid their parents are. They deserve to have a mother who's there to see every magical moment, who bakes cookies with them and takes them to the zoo. They deserve a mother who can read them the same story ten times in a row because it's their favorite, who lets them finger paint, make a mess (as long as they clean it up!), and thinks that a tea party with Mr. Jumbo is the social event of the season. They deserve a mother who'll dress up in gossamer wings and a tutu and dance around the backyard singing while looking for fairies, even though the neighbors just shake their heads turn the other way. A mother who is an expert in the art of giant bubbles. Who'll dance around the living room with abandon even though she's a terrible dancer. They deserve a mother who can get along with their father, and move on no matter what happens. A mother who will shut her mouth no matter how much she wants to bust his balls (because she's not perfect, either). Who will welcome every visit from their dad, because they are his children, too, and she can't ever change that. They deserve a mother who will take on every tantrum and never let it slide because she's too tired or has to be at work. They deserve to have a mother who can out sit them at the dinner table until they eat their vegetables. Because it's for their own good.

I could never give them that if I were on my own. They would be in day care, one of fifty kids supervised by two workers who would rather be somewhere else. Bullied and ignored, or worse, they would be the bully because their mom is always too tired and overworked for them, and they are desperate for attention. And for what? For some superficial show of independence that is worthless in the grand scheme of things.

My parents understand that. They know that what my kids need more than anything else after what they have been through is their mother. And that's why they are taking care of us: not so I don't have to pay for my mistakes, but so my kids don't have to pay for my mistakes. We're blessed that they are in a position that they can do that. They are the real heroes here. They are better than I deserve.

I blew it. I know it. I pretty much have no chance at a loving marriage now- I have no illusions about that. I'm looking at being single for the rest of my life, and that's okay. I can still be happy. Because I made the mistakes, but God provided the answers. I am the luckiest woman in the world because I can advance the Plan of God without fear of persecution for what I believe. I have a comfortable life in a free country. I won't lie, there are times when I think it would be a relief to go back to school. To only be responsible for myself! There are days when I am so close to losing it I have to go scream into a pillow. Or worse, I do lose it a scream at my children. I'm always so ashamed of myself when that happens. It happens less and less because I'm stretching and growing, but I'm far from perfect. If I went back to school, got a degree, got a job, got my own place, maybe got married again, the world would look at me and say, "Finally, she's got it together!" But I would be remiss, because my orders are, "raise three children to the best of your ability."  Not "go out and do something for you and raise your kids in your spare time." It isn't about me anymore. It hasn't been since the strip first turned pink. And it doesn't matter if the world thinks I'm the biggest loser in the world. God gave me three children to raise, and I'm going to do it to the best of my ability. I'm going to give them everything I have, till there's nothing left of me but some water and a few minerals. And when that job is done and I get new orders, I'll give everything to those, too, until God takes me home. No one has to know what I'm doing: God knows. And that's enough.

Life: 10-1 (and 2)-10

Wow, can if possibly be July since I've posted anything? I thought that was like last week! Okay, so that's an exaggeration, but it has been crazy around here!

First of all: WE MOVED! This is my 7th move in 5 years---certainly not as many times as an army wife, but a fair amount just the same. Hopefully, this will be my last move for a long time, as I hate to move! I am craving some stability after all the drama of the last few years. However, we are in a really great place, and we're all excited to be here, so that makes it a better move than some of the others.

Then, Pumpkin is crawling everywhere! He cannot be left alone for a second, especially now as there are boxes everywhere. Also, at ten months old, he has finally decided that he likes solid food. First, he hated it and cried and cried whenever we went near the high chair. Then when he was old enough for finger foods, he thought meal time was fun, but he didn't care about eating the food as much as he liked squishing it between his fingers and throwing it on the floor. But now, he has decided that he really does like food, and could he have more, please? He is still nursing, and I am convinced that he will be a long-term nurser. My mom disagrees. She says he's not going to want to sit still to nurse as he gets older, but he is Mama's boy and I think that as independent as he is becoming, he is not ready to give up his special time with me.


Darling and Doodlebug continue to blossom every day. It is truly a joy to watch. I'm always amazed at how imaginative they are. We really had the best week this week!

*yawn* too tired to write more, but I have ideas for lots of posts, so hopefully there will be more updates soon.

Life and a Recipe: Someone's in the Kitchen with Mama

After a year of letting the Darling "help" in the kitchen-- hold stuff, pour stuff, stir stuff, etc...I decided to let her actually help cook dinner one day this week. She now has enough awareness of the danger of fire and sharp objects that she is actually competent to really be my sous chef! Hurray!

I let her help me make one of our favorite entrees, what we affectionately call "Melissa's Chicken". During season 4 of "Next Food Network Star" mom and I rooted for Melissa D'Arabian, who eventually won. In a test pilot, she talked about her simple "4-Step-Chicken" and it looked so easy and tasty that we just had to make it. It was delicious! We've been making it every one or two weeks ever since. Although Melissa's pilot was on The Food Network website for a while, now that she has her official show and Next Food Network Star has moved on to season 5, I can't find the recipe anywhere on the Food Network website, even when I search for it. I'll share it here, with just a few of my modifications. "Melissa's Chicken" meets my dinner criteria: it is easy to double and freezes well! I'll often make up several batches at once.

It was Darling's job to pound the chicken. Putting the chicken between two sheets of wax paper before pounding makes for easier cleanup.

Dredging the chicken in flour

Yum!

"Melissa's Chicken" with Apples

4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts, cut in half horizontally and pounded with the flat side of a tenderizer (optional, I just do this for faster cooking time)

1/3 cup olive oil

1 small red onion, sliced

2 cups chicken broth

1 cup unfiltered apple juice

3 apples, cored, peeled, and sliced

salt and pepper to taste

flour for dredging (I start with about 1/3 cup), seasoned with salt and pepper. I put it in a plastic baggy and shake it up.

Heat olive oil in a large skillet over medium heat. Dredge chicken in flour on both sides. When oil is very hot, add chicken. Cook chicken several minutes on each side, until golden brown on the outside and done in the middle. Take chicken out of the pan and set aside on a plate. 

Add onion to your pan and cook until tender and translucent. Be sure to scrape up all those lovely brown bits of chicken!  Next, add the apples to the pan. Cook until tender, and then add the juice and broth. When it starts to get bubbly, add the chicken, reduce heat to low, and cover. Let the broth reduce by at least half. Salt and pepper to taste. 

Enjoy!

(I usually make this with 3 sliced red onions only, and 1 cup lemon juice instead of apple juice, with or without 1/2 cup white wine. It's always delicious and is so versatile! You can add whatever vegetables and liquids you want. I'm planning on trying it with apricots, too!)

Life: Pumpkin Pulls UP

I had told him that I didn't want him to do it. I begged. I pleaded. Eight months is just too soon. But, defiant and totally heedless of my wishes (he gets that from his father), there he was when I opened the door:

And he looked very smug about it, indeed.

With a lump in my throat that my last baby is growing up much too quickly, I hurried over to his bed.....and pushed him back down.

(not really!)

While the Kids Are Away, Mommy Will.....Read

What else would I be doing? Cleaning? Hah! (although I am making meals for the freezer!). The kids are with their daddy this weekend, so Mommy is getting some real reading time. Not just a page here, a paragraph there like usual. Actual sit-down-and-read-for-an-hour and it isn't even midnight time. Naturally, I feel guilty that I'm not writing down titles and values of books that I'll be donating to the library, but hey, if there wasn't always some chore to be neglected, I wouldn't be a mom.

I am reading the most amazing book, Mommy, Teach Me! by Barbara Curtis. I read a review of it on Cathy Duffy's Homeschool curriculum reviews and immediately purchased it on Amazon. I try not to impulse-buy like that, but I thought it sounded just like what I wanted. So far, it's been a home run for me. Barbara is a mother of twelve and a certified Montessori teacher. This is a list of Montessori-style activities to do in the home with your toddlers and preschoolers. There is a companion, Mommy, Teach Me to Read, which I also have but have not gotten to yet. I love that these books are slim and easy-to-read. Reading her words was like finding a kindred spirit. In fact, I have said, nearly verbatim, what she said about spilled milk. I can't wait to do these activities with the girls when they get home.

Do you ever have periods where you just know that you're growing and stretching? I feel like I'm in that now. I've spent the weekend making plans, reading, journaling, making lists, solidifying plans, and preparing materials (and cooking meals for the freezer--which is a strange expression as I am actually making the meals for my family and me and am not really feeding the freezer).  I have been trying to put all electronics away when I am with the kids and have been getting up early to have computer time for myself. I canceled the internet on my phone. I've quit trying to get them occupied and instead have gotten them involved with me. It has made such a huge difference! I was falling into this terrible rut of yelling. I hate yelling. I hate to yell and I hate to be yelled at, so I was pretty appalled when I found myself beginning to yell in frustration. I feel there is no place in my parenting for yelling, so I knew I had to find the source of this frustration and nip this in the bud. I found that I was the source of frustration, not my kids. They're just being kids! They're just curious, and energetic, and want to be with mommy because they love me! Why should that cause frustration? No, the problem was in how I handled the day. The problem was that I got frustrated because I felt they were interrupting my own selfish desires to do this or that. I don't mean that Mommy can't do some things for herself, I just feel that I should only do it on my own time, when they are in bed. I have marching orders straight from the top: raise three kids! I cannot stand in the court of Heaven at the gates of eternity and say I failed that mission because "I needed something for me." And then I realized that we are only children once. I often say that my only goal in raising my kids is that they come to know the Lord. "I cannot live in eternity if they aren't there with me." But then I realized that in Heaven, they will be their mature selves, not my little ones. My time with them when they are babies is for Time only, and will never, ever happen again. And it's gone in the blink of an eye. Am I going to miss it so I can have "something for myself?" Absolutely not! Being with my children is what I'm doing for me. So now a new resolution for me: be mentally present for my kids. Being "there" in the room but fiddling on the computer is not enough. It leads to whining, frustration, and ultimately, yelling. It's just not an effective way to parent. Being actively engaged with them all day is the hardest thing I have ever done. But the more I do it, the easier it is. I wrote in my journal, "It's like being a better mom leads to being a better mom." The more I do it, the more I do it. You know?

Life: 7-17-10

You know you're a bit of a health-nut when your four-year-old comes to you and says, "Mommy, I need to take my fish oil."

Life: Summer Cooking

Tonight, I made the first pot of okra and tomatoes of the season! The onions, garlic, and okra all came from my garden (my tomatoes are hopelessly late this year). It was spectacular! Find my recipe in the recipe box on the left. Next okra recipe to try: gumbo!

Pumpkin can officially crawl, and he is trying to pull up onto his feet. All I can say is: No! No, no, no, no, no! 

I'm taking the kids to Kindermusik this summer, and it is going so well. We're in a class that all three can be in together and they love it! Doodlebug is really coming out of her shell, and even little Pumpkin squeals and smiles at the music. I'm so glad I decided to sign us up.

I took Darling to the library today, and we found tons of pictures books about elephants. We checked out six books. I think we will start doing weekly visits. It was such a nice time together.

Life: Butterfly Birthday Bash!

Today was Darlin's 4th birthday party! She is very much into butterflies right now, so that was her birthday theme. We sang butterfly songs (thank you, Cullen's ABCs!), read The Very Hungry Caterpillar, drank "nectar" (a 1-1-1 mix of pineapple, orange, and cranberry juices), made butterfly PB & J sandwiches (celery-stick body, triangle-cut bread wings), and learned that butterflies do not emerge from a cocoon, but rather a chrysalis.  We also made bug jars from the Oriental Trading Company, and I printed out free coloring pages of butterflies and made a coloring book for each child (just Google "free coloring pages" for a plethora of sites). It was a lot of fun. Because it was such a small party (three friends + 1 sibling + birthday girl = 5 kids), everybody stayed all day and we played outside in the sprinklers until the kids were worn out. Then we let them watch a movie and made spaghetti for supper before the friends went home. This has to be one of the best days that I can remember. I hope it was memorable for Darlin', too.

To me, this is what it is all about. It just doesn't get any better. I am so blessed to live a life where, although it was a "party", this was just another typical great day.

Life: 7-6-10

E tried to pull up in his crib today. He managed to get up onto his knees. This means he'll be pulling all the way up very soon, and then *gasp* walking. By the third child, you know what this really means: commence chaos in 5-4-3-2.....

E is also trying to crawl, and he clapped his hands for the first time about a week ago. I forgot how wonderful this stage is. It seems like every day he learns something new!

I used felt to cut out shapes in various colors (each shape in several colors) and the girls and I now make up games using these felt pieces. I don't have a felt board, so I just used clothespins to clip a sheet of black felt to our easel. They cannot get enough of the games! After just three days,  M is already doing better with colors and shapes! Sometimes, I put up all different shapes and ask them to pick out a certain color. Sometimes, I put up different shapes in the same color and ask them to pick out specific shapes. For R, who has known these things for at least two years (but still has to be included in everything M does) I'll put up all the squares and one circle and ask her which one is different. We spent at least an hour this afternoon just making up games as we went. I also made up a new song to signal that they need to be quiet. Sung in a whisper to the tune of Where is Thumbkin

Let's be quiet
Let's be quiet
Ssh! Ssh! Ssh!
Ssh! Ssh! Ssh!
Le-et's all be quiet
Le-et's all be quiet
Ssh! Ssh! Ssh!
Ssh! Ssh! Ssh!

I had read that the quickest way to get the attention of a toddler/preschooler is to start singing a song, and it worked like a charm! 

I have two recipes that I need to write about (like my search for a "real food" mac n' cheese recipe), but there always seem to be too much to do and too little time....